I Can Buy Myself Flowers

Buying flowers for myself the first time in my life

Following this year’s call to a nourishing life that is slow, spacious, and connected, with having fun as my ultimate KPI, I find myself opening up to so much more delight in my day-to-day.

As I go through my tidying process with my Konmari coach, Jinda, I started micro-beautifying my space, moving towards the direction of my vision board for my dream space. I learned something in this process of starting small – that manifesting a dream isn’t about the popping of champagne at the grand finale of reaching the pinnacle but the savouring of the small processes, of being one step closer to what your “dream” looks like.

That’s the real win.

As a neuroscience geek, it makes so much sense because, firstly, the brain is wired for survival, and sticking to the familiar is what is “safe.” Our brain doesn’t like changes. A direct shift to our “dream” stage would be too radical for it to accept and would thus shut down – even if it is entirely possible for us to reach that stage at that given point in time.

Remember:

Our brain would rather keep us in familiar hell than to venture into unfamiliar heaven.

Now read that again.

When we break down the process of reaching our dream goals into micro steps, each of these micro wins grooms our brain to get familiar slowly but surely with the positive change that we want, and over time, these will culminate in our ultimate goals.

With my home sparking joy bit by bit after each tidying session, I started to do something I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE: buying myself flowers.

Full disclosure: I’m not quite a flower person, always telling my hubby to stop wasting money buying bouquets on special occasions that will eventually wilt and end up in the trash bin. Besides, I also have a highly sensitive nose, and certain flowers will send me sneezing non-stop. I swear I could never imagine going into a florist and getting myself a bouquet of flowers.

It happened so randomly on a day after my group PT, and I walked past my neighborhood florist, which I had heard rave reviews of. True enough, the florist was really kind and chirpy, recommending some flowers that last longer and are easy to maintain for someone with no green fingers like me, all the while giving me tips on how to care for them.

I went home and took out a couple of small glass jars and started dividing the flowers into smaller arrangements to brighten up various areas of the house. When I posted these on my IG stories, I’ve had several friends who were happy seeing the arrangements, and they also want to buy flowers for themselves. That’s the best compliment I could ever get!

Just recently, I also went through the sudden loss of a friend, and although we were not close, it still came as a huge shock for me. The irony is that the gift of life is often only treasured when it is taken away. I also went through a painful grieving process for my Japanese host family mother who passed away in 2021 during the lockdown. I thought I had moved on, so the grief that hit me this month totally caught me off guard.

At the same time, I was also reminded of my Japanese host family father who told me something I will never forget:

“I will live my life fully as a tribute to Yukiko-san.”

The two of them were soulmates, always together like peas in a pod. I was worried that he would spiral downwards with the departure of Yukiko-san, but to hear something of such great strength within him to honour the gift of life to his wife is an immense anchor for me right now.

As someone who is privileged to have the choice of how I spend my time, I often spend it drenched in guilt whenever I try to relax or do something nice for myself, especially during working hours. It felt undeserving. This new anchor helps me reframe that I should be honouring the gift of life by taking good care of myself so that the world gets the best of me and not what’s left of me.

I shall dedicate my life to living it to the fullest with fun, love, and light as a tribute to Yukiko-san and loved ones who are no longer with us.

So, share with me, what are some ways you take care of yourself? It could inspire me for my next self-care exercise, and I would love to hear from you!

Leave a comment below!