Flex Your Self-Love Muscle

Now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve realised I spent most of my life being hard on myself. We really are our own harshest critics - and often, our own enemies. Even though I started my self-development journey 11 years ago, it’s only in the last 1 - 2 years that I recognised the biggest missing link in my life was self-love.

And like any skill, self-love is a muscle. It needs training, practice, and intentional repetition. If we don’t use it, this muscle simply atrophies. Agree much?

As a creative, I’ve found a few interesting practices that helped me build this muscle over the past year - and people around me love these too. Here are my top 3 favourites:

1. Mirror Talk

I treat my own reflection like I’m speaking to the part of me that’s critical, scared, or overwhelmed. At first, I couldn’t even meet her eyes. It felt strange, like talking to another person.... which, in a way, I was.

This practice started spontaneously during my birthday staycation last year. Everyone had left for work and school, and I was lying in bed, battling the guilt of “doing nothing.” When I finally dragged myself to the pool, something shifted. After my swim, standing in the bathroom, I started talking to her - my reflection.

It became unexpectedly emotional.

I promised her I would take good care of Caihui now.

I thanked her for how hard she tried to protect me all these years.

It became a defining moment in my healing - even my therapist loved it when I shared!

2. Email Your Future Self

At the beginning of this year, I wrote an encouraging email to my future self, the same way I would write to a dear friend - with pride, kindness, and enthusiasm. Then I scheduled it six months ahead (and chose an auspicious time!)

Receiving that email later was such a warm surprise. Almost surreal in a way, knowing that the email was written by the past Caihui addressed to the Caihui now. It truly felt like a time travelling experience. That eventually became the inspiration for my Create Your Heartbox workshop - writing a love letter to your future self.

Sharing the screenshot of my love letter/email to myself 💗

3. Keep a “Celebrate My Wins” Folder

This folder is my personal power bank. I save compliments, screenshots, photos, videos - anything that reminds me of the goodness in me.

Yesterday, I was triggered by something on IG. An old body memory resurfaced, and my mind slipped into past stories that no longer serve me. For the first time, I instinctively opened this folder.

Reading the notes from friends, clients, collectors and affirmations from my husband grounded me instantly. It brought me back to myself. It reminded me of the truth of who I am.

It was a beautiful reset tool, and I felt gratitude and love return almost immediately.

I highly recommend you try this practice if you have difficulty receiving compliments. Start by collecting them in a folder - you never know when you need to go to them for a good recharge. It took me almost 2 years to look at what I've collected.

"Celebrate my wins" folder now has 62 photos! "I Love You" folder contains some childhood photos for me to revisit my inner child when I'm feeling tender. Will share more about this another time!

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Before I end here, here's a reminder: Self-love isn’t a switch. It’s a slow build, a quiet strengthening, a gentle remembering of who we truly are. These little practices may look simple (yet hard to actually execute!), but they’ve helped me return to myself again and again.

My hope is that they remind you, too, that you’re allowed to take up space, to rest, to receive kindness, and to treat yourself with the same tenderness you offer others.

Flex that self-love muscle, one small action at a time… and watch how it transforms the way you meet your life. 💛 With love and always cheering for you,

Caihui